Movies Not [F H I PI]

I really love movies, and sometimes the more offbeat or unusual the better. I have tried to foster that with my kids, but also being aware that age-appropriate truly is the parent's responsibility. I thought I'd list some of the movies I have seen recently, and as a special treat the top 1o movies I will never watch.

I watched Last of the Mohicans, which is a great adaptation by Michael Mann, who also directed the first Hannibal Lechter (Silence of the Lambs) movie called Manhunter. Although I'm sure the two-handed firing of dual muskets at the climax was a nod to such John Woo film as Ying Hung Boon Sik (A Better Tomorrow).

As a chick flick I saw the Nanny Diaries, which is cute in saccharinistic, puerile sort of way. But it is a sacrifice all men must make for the sake of their marriage.

We also watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High,  which is a great, entertaining teen flick. Ray Walston as Mr. Hand is a treat, and a very young Forest Whitaker gave no hint he would one day be as good an actor as he turned out. To my chagrin (but to both my sons' delight) I forgot the film had extended scenes of both Jennifer Jason Leigh (before she had the unfortunate accident that caused her forehead to metastasize) and Phoebe Cates sans clothing.

We watched Citizen Kane, which I had not seen in over 30 years, and may have been intoxicated at the time. I really forgot how good the film was, and how close it mirrored the real-life exploits of William Randolph Hearst. Do you remember the enigmatic "Rosebud" was the name of his... puppy?

As a prelude to watching The Magnificent Seven, we saw the movie it is based on, Kurosawa's The Seven Samurai. If you want to see a great movie about honor and sacrifice, watch this 3 hour epic.

Now these are all really good, entertaining films. There are however several films or types of films I will never see, for very disparate reasons.

The Passion of The Christ - now I know Christ died for us, but so did my uncle in WWII. This movie is based on anti-Semitic passion plays from the year 400, and not, repeat not any known biblical texts. If I am in that mood I'll watch Triumph of the Will or anything from Ms. Riefenstahl.

Josie & the Pussycats - many of us know how hot the original Josie cartoon character was, almost as hot as Betty and Veronica. However, I have no desire to see this klinker.

Schindler's List - I know Mr. Schindler was a hero, but I have seen Sophie's Choice and The Man in the Glass Booth; I'd love to see The Day the Clown Cried if Jerry Lewis ever releases it. This is too much. 

Psycho - A 1998 shot for shot remake of the original directed by Gus Van Sant? I have to presume there is a special corner in hell for executives that greenlight and fund things like this.

Anything by Tom Green; I do not care if his wife appears in it.

Most TV-based movies, like Dukes of Hazzard, Bewitched and Rocky & Bullwinkle. I will exclude the TV-based Blues Brothers, X-Files and South Park movies.

The Two Jakes, a sequel to Chinatown, which is sort of like filming a sequel to Casablanca.

And of course, the hilarious sci-fi extravaganza An Inconvenient Truth (at least in the context of it being a documentary).